My Esme
by FemaleChauvinist
Summary: It has always seemed nothing could shake Carlisle's calm…until someone attacks Esme. Only then does he show himself for the vampire he truly is. Rated M for vampire dismemberment and non-explicit rape.
1. Intruder

**Disclaimer:** While the attempt has been made to be medically accurate, some artistic license has been taken, and statements made by Carlisle are not to be regarded as authoritative.

Recognizable characters and plotlines are the property of Stephenie Meyer; all original characters and story © 2017 FemaleChauvinist.

 _Do not post without permission. Do not copy/print without including the above disclaimer in its entirety._

 **Chapter One: Intruder**

 **Carlisle**

I entered my office in the hospital and picked up my cell phone from the desk to check my messages. The instant I had it in my hand, it began ringing. I glanced at the screen before answering; Alice.

"Carlisle, where have you _been_?" she hissed.

I tensed; whatever was wrong had her too distracted to "see" for herself what I had been doing. "In surgery," I told her. "What's wrong, Alice?"

"Esme's in trouble; you need to get home _now_!"

I snapped the phone shut and shoved it in my pocket, already running through the halls. In seconds I was driving out of the parking lot, taking the corner nearly on two wheels.

I should have left the car and run on foot; it would have been safer for any humans who might be in my path, _and_ faster.

I pulled up cockeyed in front of the house, nearly tearing the car door off its hinges as I got out.

I could smell the stranger immediately; a male, judging by the nuances of the scent. "Esme?"

The front door stood open, and I followed the stranger's scent upstairs…into my and Esme's room. His scent was mingled on the bed with Esme's, and I growled fiercely. But it seemed he was no longer in the house, and where was my Esme? If that monster had taken her with him… I growled again, then spun toward the window as a breeze came through the curtains carrying my Esme's scent with it.

I was at the window in an instant, pushing the curtains aside.

And there she was. She sat on the edge of the back porch roof, her hair loose and disheveled down her back. A single hairpin hung crookedly, still caught in the strands. "Esme?" *****

She didn't respond, and I climbed through the window and crossed the roof to put a hand on her shoulder. I knew from working with humans that victims often blamed themselves; perhaps she was ashamed to face me. "Esme, love?"

Still I got no response, and with a knot twisting my stomach I took her chin and turned her head to face me. Alarm slammed through me; her eyes were staring, blank and expressionless. "Esme!" There was sharp command in my tone, but she gave no sign of having heard.

I had never before dreamed of striking my beloved, but now I slapped her smartly across the cheek; harder than I would have with a human, but still with far less than my full strength. "Esme!"

She sat as if she had turned to a statue, not moving or even breathing. With a soft moan, I bent and gathered her in my arms. "Esme, love," I whispered brokenly.

Never had I felt so helpless as I carried her back through the window and gently laid her in the bed. How did you even begin to diagnose someone who had no heartbeat, no internal body heat, who didn't even need to breathe?

I pulled my phone out and flipped it open, quickly selecting Alice's number. "Alice. What happened to my wife?"

"You don't want to know, Carlisle," Alice said miserably.

" _Tell me_!" I snarled. Of course I didn't want to know — but I needed to.

"She was raped," Alice whispered.

"Impossible," I snapped, desperate to believe it. "Nothing's broken; you expect me to believe my Esme submitted without a struggle?"

"She _couldn't_ , Carlisle," Alice said sadly. "His mental powers paralyzed her mind."

I growled. "When I catch him, he'll wish he'd never —"

" _No_ , Carlisle!" Alice cried. "You can't go out after him!"

"He's not getting away with this, Alice," I snarled.

"Not alone," she insisted. "He'll just use his powers on you, too; you need Bella."

"Seriously, Alice, do you 'see' Edward letting Bella near a vampire rapist? I don't."

"He doesn't have to let her _that_ near. And I already called them; they're on the way over. Just wait for them, Carlisle, please!" Her voice broke, and she hung up without waiting for a response.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my arms lying limp on my legs, helpless to do anything for my Esme.

I barely glanced up when Jasper came into the room several minutes later. "Edward and Bella are downstairs, Carlisle," he said quietly. I was grateful that he didn't attempt to ease my despair; I needed to be able to feel it.

"Thanks, Jasper," I said dully.

He held out a hand, and I took it to pull myself to my feet…my son's touch was comforting in a way false emotions could never be.

I glanced over my shoulder at Esme as I left the room. "I'll avenge thee, love. I promise." It was all I could do for her now.

 **N** **ext chapter coming next week!**

 *** Illustration for this scene can be found on my DeviantArt account at femalechauvinist . deviantart art/Catatonic-663752196**

 **A/N:** **I really have no idea how or why Esme was on the roof…that's just where Carlisle found her, so that's where she had to be. Barbie**

 _I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!_

 _Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Twilight alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie_


	2. Despair

**Chapter Two: Despair**

Edward and Bella weren't the only ones who were downstairs; as I came down with Jasper's hand on my arm I saw the whole family standing waiting for me. But Edward and Bella were the ones who mattered.

"Edward," I said raggedly, "please —"

"She's coming," Edward cut in, "but I don't think you should."

I growled at him. "I want to tear Esme's attacker to shreds, Edward."

"Emmett and Jasper will take care of that for you," Edward promised; did he think I was too compassionate to be capable of killing? I was no fighter, but I was certainly able to deal with anyone who hurt my Esme!

"I know, but you need to stay here, Carlisle. If… _when_ Esme wakes up, you're going to be the one she wants." He turned away, hearing my unspoken agreement. Emmett, Jasper, and Bella disappeared out the door, but I stopped Edward with a hand on his shoulder. "Edward?" I whispered.

He closed his eyes, concentrating on trying to catch anything at all from Esme. At last he turned away, not meeting my eyes as he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Carlisle," he whispered hollowly, running from the house as I crumpled into a heap on the floor.

"Carlisle," Alice said softly, coming forward to put a hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry…"

My hand flashed out, backhanding her across the room; she hit the wall with a crash as I looked up with blazing eyes. " _Sorry_?" I snarled. "I should tear _you_ to shreds, Alice Cullen! What's the point of being a psychic if you can't see the danger in time for me to protect my wife?" I pushed myself to my feet and ran up the stairs to Esme's side.

Her staring, sightless eyes met me as I entered the room. They tore at my heart; I wanted to brush my hand over them and close the lids. But I couldn't bear to do it; the gesture was too like what was done for a dead body.

She didn't move as I lay beside her on the bed. I played my fingers through her hair, gently working out the tangles as I whispered words of love.

I didn't dare go further. If she was somehow aware of her surroundings, yet didn't recognize me, I didn't want her to feel violated all over again.

Finally, I turned my head into my arm and gave way to the wracking sobs. This lifeless statue in the bed beside me wasn't _my_ Esme, and I didn't know how to bring her back.

 **N** **ext chapter coming next week!**

 _I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!_

 _Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Twilight alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie_


	3. The Hunt

**Chapter Three: The Hunt**

 **Bella**

 _E_ _dward…you don't really think she's going to wake up, do you?_ I asked as he came running up the hill where Emmett, Jasper, and I were waiting. I could tell when Edward was lying now…and it didn't make sense for him to think she would wake up on her own, anyway.

"No," he said out loud, including Emmett and Jasper in the conversation. "But I couldn't let Carlisle come. He's not thinking straight; he would have destroyed the vampire who attacked Esme."

Emmett crossed his arms, still wearing his police uniform. "And what exactly is your problem with that?"

But I thought I understood. "He would know how to undo it," I whispered.

"Likely he's the only one who _can_ undo it," Edward agreed.

"But will Carlisle let him near Esme?" Jasper asked skeptically.

Edward shrugged. "Be that as it may, I'm not about to let him destroy the one person who might be able to help her."

 _If we can convince_ _ **him**_ _to._

Edward's jaw tightened. "We'll convince him, Bella _,_ " he murmured for my ears only. "You can tear him into as many pieces as you like, Emmett," he continued aloud. "All I'm asking is that you not burn the pieces. Better start shielding now, Bella; we don't know what his range is like." He turned and crouched down, and I quickly pulled myself onto his back. We wouldn't be going at Edward's top speed, since Emmett and Jasper needed to keep ahead of us, but I would have trouble keeping up even with them.

As Emmett and Jasper picked up the scent and Edward loped after them, I found myself thinking of Carlisle. If he lost any of us, he would grieve and perhaps never fully get over it, but he would go on living. But Esme…if he ever lost her, I wasn't certain he wouldn't destroy himself. But this was worse than losing her; he couldn't destroy himself as long as there was some chance of getting her back, and yet he wouldn't be _living_ , any more than Esme was. I tried to imagine our family without Esme…without Carlisle…

"Bella, stop," Edward groaned.

 _Sorry._ I had forgotten that while I was shielding him, my thoughts were open. I wasn't sure how to block my thoughts; I wasn't used to having to. Tightening my arms around Edward's neck, I leaned my head against his and began singing mentally. The depressing thoughts kept intruding, but Edward said nothing; he knew I was doing the best I could.

Either Esme's attacker was not expecting pursuit or he was overly confident in his ability to deal with it; we came upon him far sooner than his head start warranted, and he wasn't even running, really.

Edward stopped well short of where the fight would take place, setting me down and standing slightly crouched in front of me. I knew he had brought me only because my skill was indispensable; I was no fighter, and as a female I was in most danger from this vampire rapist. And if he realized I was the one blocking his powers, he would come for me first of all.

I saw the instant he realized his powers were having no effect; panic filled his red eyes and he turned at last to run. But then it was too late; Emmett and Jasper were closing in on him from opposite sides.

He didn't have a chance against them; he was slight compared to Emmett's bulk and Jasper's lean muscle; not as tall as Edward. And he had always depended on his powers; he had no knowledge of fighting.

"You're under arrest for the rape and mental attack on Esme Cullen!" Emmett announced.

I nearly laughed; of course Emmett had to have his joke. _No right to remain silent…_

Edward shifted slightly. "It's not as if he _can_ remain silent, Bella love."

The vampire smirked. "What; her mate was too much of a coward to come after me himself?"

Edward growled low in his throat.

"He wouldn't leave Esme," Jasper said in a low, hard voice. "What did you do to her, monster?"

He shrugged. "Oh, just a little something to make her more…compliant."

Edward was trembling, growling continuously; I could only imagine what Esme's attacker must be replaying in his mind. I reached out and put a hand on Edward's arm; in another moment he would have rushed out to rip the vampire to pieces himself.

"Compliant," Jasper said flatly. "And I suppose it only works one way; you couldn't undo it."

The vampire continued smirking and said nothing, but Edward's arm twitched under my hand. "He _can_ , Bella; I was right!" he hissed.

Emmett and Jasper both knew Edward had the answer; Emmett looked up at him with a question. Edward nodded once, then swiftly pulled me into his arms, pressing my face against his chest and covering my ears.

I could still hear the screams.

"You can stop shielding now," he whispered finally; "it's over." He gently kissed my hair before standing and offering Emmett and Jasper each a large bag. "Get everything," he said quietly. "Try to make sure adjacent parts don't get in the same bag."

I shuddered and turned away, and he was there in a second, his arms around me. "If we hadn't needed you, Bella love…"

"I know," I whispered. "I'm…all right."

It was on the way back that I thought of one thing Edward hadn't mentioned when he told us his plan…something he surely would have. _Edward…Alice didn't "see" this helping, did she?_

For a moment he was absolutely still save for his running…but there was meaning even in the stillness; he couldn't hide anything from me that way. "No," he whispered finally. "But that doesn't mean — she doesn't see everything, Bella." There was desperation in his tone; he didn't believe his own words.

 _I bet against Alice once, Edward Cullen. You don't have to try to convince_ _ **me**_ _that she's not omniscient._

But still…I would feel a lot better if she had "seen" a good outcome.

 **N** **ext chapter coming next week!**

 **A/N: Since Edward is the fastest vampire, it follows that there would be a** _ **slowest**_ **vampire, and I made it happen to be Bella. I doubt a human would be able to notice the difference, though!**

 **Also, my idea of how Bella shares her thoughts with Edward is a little different from the books. Any two people she's shielding are under her shield together and so can use their powers on each other, so it seems to me it would follow that anyone she's shielding is under the shield with her, and can use their powers on her. So, if she's shielding Edward, he can read her mind.**

 **And the time Bella bet against Alice is in my unposted alternate history. Barbie**

 _I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!_

 _Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Twilight alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie_


	4. Sisters

**A/N: See my profile for the alternate history behind Bree becoming a Cullen. Barbie**

 **Chapter Four: Sisters**

 **Rosalie**

Bree and I looked at each other as Carlisle disappeared up the stairs. We had never been close; Bree had trouble trusting anyone, and my cutting remarks didn't endear me to her. But now, in that one glance, we somehow bonded; the only sane ones left in the house, we ran to where Alice lay crumpled against the wall.

"Alice?" Bree asked anxiously as I reached out a hand to help her up.

"Leave me alone!" she cried.

"Alice…" I murmured, sinking to my knees beside her.

"No, Rose. He was right; I _should_ have seen it!"

"You can't see everything, Alice," I said reasonably.

But Alice only shook her head. We depended on her too much, making her think she had to be omniscient; whenever something slipped through she felt she had let us down. As Bree and I tried vainly to comfort her, I wished Jasper were here…though it was definitely a good thing he hadn't seen Carlisle send Alice flying across the room.

From upstairs, I heard Carlisle's cell phone ring, and keep ringing.

"That's the hospital," Alice said dully. "One of us should answer it."

Bree and I exchanged a look; without a word I got up and headed up the stairs. I felt like an intruder as I pushed open the door to Carlisle and Esme's room. He lay like a statue beside her, his face buried in his arm. He didn't appear to notice as I slipped the phone from his belt and left the room to answer it in his study.

"Yes? No, this is Dr Cullen's sister, Rosalie McCarty…No, he came home and went straight to bed…of course, I'll have him call when he wakes up, but I expect he's going to be out sick for a few days…no, that won't be necessary; I'm sure he'll be fine. Yes, thank you. Goodbye." I drew a deep breath, absently counting the lies I had told, and switched the phone off before tossing it on Carlisle's desk.

I hurried back down the stairs to where Bree and Alice were still huddled together. "Alice," I said softly, slipping an arm around her shoulders, "have you tried looking at the future? Maybe if you could tell him —"

"But I _can't_!" she interrupted me desperately. "Don't you think I _have_ been trying, Rosalie Hale McCarty? I can't see her in the future at _all_. Do you understand me? _Not at all_!" She crumpled against me, shaking with silent sobs.

Yes, we could definitely use Jasper now… "Alice," I murmured, "the future changes; you've said it yourself."

"You can't 'see' anything to do with Nessie or Jacob," Bree pointed out, sitting crosslegged with her elbows on her knees and her chin propped in her hands. "If someone's considering using one of them to help her, wouldn't she disappear?"

Alice only shook her head despondently and clung to me.

Bree tossed her head. "Well, _I'm_ betting against you, Alice. She'll be fine. She…has to be." Her voice faltered; Bree was the only one of us who called Esme Mother…who called Carlisle Daddy. This had to be affecting her more than she had let on.

Sighing, I reached out an arm and drew her to my side. I couldn't let it affect me; I had to be strong for my sisters.

 **oOo**

"Alice?"

I looked up at the sound of the door and Jasper's anxious call. He shoved a strangely twitching bag into Emmett's hand and came forward to put a hand on her shoulder. "Lissy, baby, what's wrong?"

She whimpered softly, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. Jasper looked sharply at me for an answer.

"She's…upset; Carlisle blames her for not 'seeing' this in time to stop it."

Jasper growled softly and lifted Alice to cradle her in his arms. "It's not your fault, Lissy," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead. His eyes were haunted as he looked toward Edward and Emmett. "Can you handle things alone upstairs?"

"Sure, bro," Emmett agreed, swinging a bag carelessly. Were those bags what I thought they were? I shuddered, and caught Bella's sympathetic smile.

"Make Carlisle receptive if you can," Edward said quietly.

Jasper nodded once and moved to sit in the armchair with Alice in his lap.

"Jazz," she whispered, "I can't 'see'…"

"Shh, Lissy," he murmured. "It doesn't matter." And then he flooded her with his calming influence, and she relaxed against him with a sigh.

 **N** **ext chapter coming next week!**

 _I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!_

 _Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Twilight alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie_


	5. Reanimation

**Chapter Five: Reanimation**

 **Carlisle**

Every second was an eternity without my Esme. I was dimly aware of my phone ringing, of someone coming in and slipping it off my belt, but it didn't really seem to have anything to do with me. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Carlisle!"

Edward's sharp voice snapped me out of my daze, and I lifted my head, staring at him with black despair in my eyes.

"We got him," Edward said more quietly, nodding toward the bags Emmett held.

I smiled grimly; at least I would be allowed the satisfaction of setting the monster on fire.

"No," Edward said quietly. "He can undo it, Carlisle; we need to let him reanimate."

I growled. _And give him the chance to do worse to her?_

"Carlisle. She's…comatose, with a Masen factor of absolute zero. What 'worse' can he possibly do?"

Logically, I knew he was right, but emotionally… _Over my dead body, Edward!_

"Fine," he said quietly. "If that's the way you want it. Emmett and I are quite capable."

"You wouldn't," I snarled.

He looked straight at me with steady eyes. "I would if I had to. If it was the only way to save Esme for you. Are you going to make me go that far?"

He was bluffing. He had to be. But as his eyes met mine without blinking, without wavering, it was impossible to be sure. And if he was willing to go that far, then he must be sure this would help.

Or if it didn't, that there was nothing else that would.

"All right," I growled. "But you'd better know what you're doing, Edward Cullen." I sat up, not wanting to appear weak to this monster.

Emmett spilled the contents of the bags on the floor, and he and Edward began matching pieces, not wanting to take the time to let the body reanimate on its own. Edward grabbed my robe from its hook behind the door and roughly helped him into it, jerking the sash around his waist. "Not that I care about any perverted sense of modesty _you_ might have," he hissed, "but Isabella and Esme don't need to be exposed to your _disgusting_ nakedness."

As his consciousness reawakened, the vampire's eyes darted around the room, trying to determine where he was. It was no difficulty for Emmett to restrain him; he was still weak and in pain from being torn apart. Bella had closed her eyes to avoid seeing the twitching body parts, but I knew without being told that she was shielding the mind of everyone in the house.

Edward stood facing the vampire, his arms crossed. "Brigham. You have the power to undo what you have done and restore Esme's mind."

Brigham smirked. "Sure…but why should I?"

I let loose a growl, but allowed Edward to continue.

"For your life," he said quietly.

 _His life is forfeit, Edward._

Edward didn't acknowledge my sending. "We tore you apart once; we can do it again. Restore Esme, and you walk away. Refuse, and we rip you to pieces…as many times as it takes. It will be interesting to see just how many times a vampire can reanimate, won't it? But this is your only chance to walk away. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal," he said grudgingly. So the scum was a coward…

Brigham's eyes focused intensely on Esme, and I resisted the urge to jump up and go for his throat… Edward would do it for me if he was thinking about Esme _that_ way.

Then I forgot Brigham as I felt Esme stir against my leg. "Carlisle?" she murmured uncertainly.

I pulled her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her. "Yes, love, I'm here. How does thou feel?"

"Dizzy…what happened?"

"Shh," I murmured. I glanced sharply at Bella and she nodded, reading my meaning as easily as Edward. Now that Esme's mind was restored, Bella had shielded her.

"Emmett," I said quietly, "take him outside and wait for me." There was no mistaking the quiet menace in my tone, and Brigham looked from Edward to me and back with panicked eyes. "You promised I could walk away if I restored her!"

Edward smiled menacingly. "I lied."

"No!" Brigham's scream echoed through the house as he fought to free himself from Emmett's grasp.

"Quiet!" Emmett snapped. "I'm saving you for Carlisle, but don't think I won't tear your arms off a few times." He jerked his prisoner toward the stairs, and I turned my attention to Esme.

 _How are her thoughts, Edward?_

"Masen factor eight point six seven oh," he said quietly. "She's a little confused right now."

I brushed Esme's hair back from her face. "Esme, love," I said softly, "I have something I need to do outside."

She looked at me with wide eyes, clinging to my hand. "Don't leave me, Carlisle," she whispered.

"I'll be right back," I assured her. "Edward and Bella will stay with you."

Bella came forward and took Esme's other hand. "Don't take him more than a mile from the house," she warned quietly. "I can't guarantee the shield past that."

I chuckled grimly. "Oh, I have no intention of letting him get that far." I leaned down and brushed a kiss across Esme's forehead. "I'll be right back, love," I promised softly. Steeling myself, I pulled my hand free from her grasp and ran from the room before I could lose the will to leave her.

 **N** **ext chapter coming next week!**

 **A/N: Masen factor is Edward and Carlisle numerical system for Edward to tell Carlisle the condition of someone's thoughts as an additional "vital sign" reading. Barbie**

 _I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!_

 _Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Twilight alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie_


	6. Pieces

**Chapter Six: Pieces**

I approached Emmett and his prisoner with the slow, measured steps of a predator. "You raped my mate," I growled. "Raped her, and stole her mind."

I honestly didn't know which was worse. His life was forfeit the moment he touched her, but at least I could _understand_ that; I knew better than anyone how desirable my Esme was. But stealing her mind and leaving an empty shell…there was just no sense to it.

Emmett had released him; he was nervously backing as I stepped deliberately closer. He was a coward; he would turn and run before he would fight.

The moment he lost his nerve and bolted, I was on him, growling as I tore him to shreds. I had not felt so much like a vampire in years.

"Thorough," Emmett remarked, surveying the pile of white stone when I had finished; few pieces were recognizable. He tossed me a lighter, and I caught it reflexively.

"I should let him reanimate first," I snarled. "He deserves to feel the fire."

Emmett shrugged. "You're never gonna be able to torture him as much as he deserves."

True…I could rip him apart a hundred times, and it wouldn't be enough for what he had done to my Esme. With a quick flick of my thumb, I lit the lighter and tossed it on the pile.

Then I turned and went back into the house without waiting to watch it burn.

To my surprise, Edward had joined the others in the room downstairs; I had wanted him to stay with Esme. But who was I question his decisions today? _Edward._ I held out my arms, and he came forward to be crushed in my embrace. _Thank you, son._ He had saved Esme, finding a solution when I had given up in despair; fighting me to save my mate.

"You'd do it for me," he murmured.

As I released him, I saw Alice sitting in Jasper's lap, and remorse filled me. "Alice," I said softly, "I'm sorry…" I glanced at Jasper and decided not to be too specific about what I was apologizing for; I didn't have time to reanimate when he tore me apart. "I know you did the best you could."

"It's all right," Alice said dully. "You were upset…and you were right. I _should_ have seen —"

"Alice, you'll go crazy if you try to keep tabs on every possible future," Edward told her.

Alice sighed. "I know." She frowned suddenly, her hands balling into fists. "But why couldn't I 'see' her — 'see' that Brigham could fix it?"

"For the same reason I couldn't hear her thoughts, I suppose," Edward said quietly, "even though it seems she was more aware than we thought." What?

Jasper nodded. "And I thought I could snap her out of it if I could get her to feel a strong emotion…but there was just nothing there. Not even apathy; it was truly the _absence_ of emotion, and there was nothing to work with. It was as if…she didn't exist."

"So she had to exist again before I could 'see' her," Alice concluded.

I growled softly. All this was academic…and what was it Edward had meant? "Edward…how much does Esme remember?"

He looked at me sorrowfully. "Everything, Carlisle," he said quietly.

I wasn't typically given to swearing, but now I cursed softly. I wouldn't have been a bit sorry if he had neglected to restore _that_ part of her mind.

"His power didn't work that way, Carlisle," Edward said quietly. "He didn't really steal her mind; he only paralyzed it."

I glanced at Jasper. "How is she feeling?"

"Scared…ashamed."

"Scared…of me?"

"No," Edward said quickly. "But mixed with the shame…she is afraid you'll reject her, Carlisle."

My sweet Esme…how could she even imagine such a thing?

The side of Edward's mouth twitched, but he didn't respond.

"You're keeping her emotions controlled, aren't you?" I asked Jasper quietly.

He nodded. "Somewhat."

"Thank you," I said quietly, "but once I'm with her, I'd appreciate it if you'd release her." Maybe it was selfish, but I wanted to know I had the power to calm her without Jasper's aid.

He nodded again. "I'll let her go gradually; I'm not sure what it would do to her to have all that emotion crashing down at once."

I turned away and hurried up the stairs.

Bella had plaited Esme's hair into a French braid down her back, and now she sat singing softly with an arm around Esme's shoulders.

"Thank you, Bella," I said quietly. "I'll stay with her now."

She smiled softly as she got up and left the room.

I knelt beside the bed and wrapped my arms around Esme. "He's taken care of, love," I murmured. "Thou art safe now; he can never hurt thee again." If only I could undo the hurt he had already caused; in her own way she was torn into as many pieces as Brigham.

I could tell the moment Jasper began to withdraw his influence; Esme seemed to shrink back and cling to me at the same time. "Carlisle," she whimpered. "Don't leave me!"

"Never, my love," I breathed. I pulled her into my arms as I stood up, cradling her close. "Thou art mine forever, Esme my love."

I sat in the big chair beside the window and gently pressed Esme's head to lean against my shoulder. She was trembling now, breathing in short, gasping sobs.

"Shh," I murmured. "It's over, love; I have thee safe. Dost thou want to tell me, Esme?" I wasn't sure I could bear to hear her talk about it, yet I could sense that she needed to. She needed me to know everything, and not reject her…as if I ever could. Surely, even if for some unthinkable reason she ever left me willfully, I would have open arms and ready forgiveness when she returned. How much more now, when none of this was her fault?

"I was alone in the house," she breathed, the whisper barely audible even to my ears. "He came to the door — he seemed so friendly, Carlisle! He said he was interested in meeting others of our kind…I told him everyone else was out, but I invited him inside…"

I had to fight back my growls as Esme described what that monster had done to her. I wished he were still living, just so I could have the pleasure of tearing him to shreds…once hadn't been enough. And I couldn't quite see how I could have made it any more painful, but if I had it to do over, I would surely find a way.

"I couldn't stop him, Carlisle! I couldn't do anything, so I-I pretended he was you. It was the only way I could bear it — forgive me, Carlisle; please forgive me!"

"Shh, Esme my love. There's nothing to forgive, my sweet. I am…glad that I could help thee in some small way."

I wasn't quite sure how I felt about this confession; on the one hand, if she had imagined herself with me, then in a way she had been with no one else. And yet, if she had succeeded in convincing herself, she would have been more receptive to him.

Either way the point was moot; I knew better than to think she had actually succeeded in fooling herself into thinking it was I in bed with her.

"It should be I apologizing to thee," I continued. "I should have been here to protect thee, Esme." I would have been as helpless as she against Brigham's power — but Alice hadn't originally "seen" it that way. He was a coward; maybe the mere presence of a mate would have been enough.

Esme was sobbing nearly hysterically…a thought to Edward, and Jasper would calm her, but would that solve anything, really? I had to be the one to do it.

I considered my next move carefully, not sure if it would help or only make things worse. I gently held Esme's face in both hands and bent my head to kiss her…her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her lips. I was restrained, carefully in control…but I let her feel my hunger for her.

I knew I had done right when she melted against me and began kissing me in return.

By the time I raised my head, her breathing had evened out. It wasn't as reliable an indicator as with a human; she didn't actually _need_ to breathe. But I knew it was still a good sign; perhaps even better in that it _wasn't_ automatic.

Her hand came up tentatively to cup my cheek. "You really don't mind, Carlisle? It doesn't matter?"

I knew what she was really asking, but the way she had phrased it…a simple "no" would be a lie; would say I didn't care about what had happened to my Esme.

I gently placed my hand over hers, pressing it to my face. " _Mind_ , Esme?" I asked, a touch of disbelief in my tone. "Brigham stole what was mine; of course I _mind_. He hurt my beloved; of course it _matters_. But that is between him and me, not me and thee. If he had come into the house and stolen…my father's wooden cross, dost thou think it would be the cross I would be upset with?"

"No, but the cross couldn't help —"

"Nor could thee," I said with quiet firmness. I turned my head to kiss the palm of her hand. "I'll hear no more of this, love. Hadst thou done anything to warrant it, I would forgive thee willingly. But thou hadst no need of my forgiveness; 'tis thou who hadst been wronged. And now, my sweet, let us go downstairs."

"No," she whimpered, curling against me. "The others — they'll think…I can't face them, Carlisle." She buried her face against my chest, clinging to my shirt.

"Esme, love, they don't blame thee any more than I do," I said quietly. "They've all been worried about thee. Come." I stood, tucking her against my side as I set her on her feet. My arm wrapped securely around her bore most of her weight as I chose a simple cotton dress from the closet.

I nearly growled at the sight of her body when I slipped her robe from her shoulders…at the thought that other eyes than mine had seen its perfection; other hands than mine touched its smoothness.

I helped her into the dress, then glanced at the braid down her back. I really preferred her normal soft twist, but while I often washed and brushed her hair for her, her pins were a bit beyond me. The braid would do; at least her hair couldn't be considered _loose_.

She pressed cringing against my side as we made our way down the stairs. Edward stood at the bottom, his hand extended toward her. But it was Bree who reached her first, leaving Rosalie (Bree had gone to _Rosalie_ for comfort?) and flinging herself against Esme. "Oh, Mother!" she exclaimed. "I was so scared!"

And Esme left my side to put her arms around her daughter. "Shh, Bree; I'm fine."

In that moment, seeing the return of my ever-mothering Esme, I ignored Edward's somber shake of the head and let myself hope that all she needed was to be needed.

 **N** **ext chapter coming next week!**

 **A/N: Carlisle was born at a time when "thee" and "thou" were considered the more intimate forms of "you," so I have him still slipping into it sometimes with Esme, and even with his daughters in some situations. Barbie**

 _I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!_

 _Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Twilight alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie_


	7. Aftereffects

**Chapter Seven: Aftereffects**

 **Esme**

I clung to Carlisle, knowing I should tell him to go on to work…that I would be all right…but it wasn't true.

Bella had pointed out that in over a hundred years, this had only happened once; with the one who did it dead, it wasn't very likely to happen again. And of course that was all good and reasonable…but fear is never reasonable.

Carlisle had stayed home for the past five days, as unwilling to let me out of his sight as I was to be out of it. But Rosalie's excuse of him being sick could only be used so long, and this morning he had been on his way out to go to the hospital.

But he stopped at the door, turning back with a groan and pulling me into his arms. "I can't do it, Esme; I can't leave thee."

And how could I tell him to go on when I had been ready to beg him not to?

"Honestly, Carlisle," Edward said, appearing on the steps, "why don't you just take her with you? She can work on blueprints or something in your office; you'll be in hearing distance, and you can stop in to see her between patients."

 _Oh, please, Carlisle! Please, please, please!_

"But — the blood," he said slowly.

 _I don't care about the blood! I'm not thirsty — I need_ _ **you**_ _, Carlisle!_

Edward snorted. "In your office, Carlisle? Give me a break."

 _Please, Carlisle…_

Carlisle pressed me against his chest for a moment. "Get your things and meet me at the car," he breathed into my hair.

"Thank you," I whispered.

He drove one-handed, his other hand intertwined with mine.

At the hospital, he led me to his office with his arm around my waist, growling low in his throat at the looks I was getting from the male members of the staff. I giggled. "Humans, Carlisle," I reminded him quietly.

"You're still mine to look at." He ushered me into his office. "Wilt thou be all right here, Esme?"

I nodded, reaching up to kiss his lips. "I'll be fine." It helped that his scent permeated every inch of the room.

"Call if thou needs me; I can hear from anywhere in the hospital."

"I'll be fine, Carlisle," I repeated, forcing myself to take a step back from him.

"All right…I'll see thee in an hour or so." And he turned and walked away…and I felt as if my life went with him. _No, Carlisle, don't leave me! Stay with me, please; I need you!_

I buried my face in my hands, slumping against the door he had pulled shut behind him…careful not to make a sound that would bring him back. _Get a hold of yourself, Esme; he's ten yards away._ If I listened, I could even hear him talking with the nurses. As long as I could hear him, he would be able to hear me; if I called him he would be at my side in an instant.

But I wouldn't call him. He couldn't spend all his time babysitting me; he had work to do. With a sigh, I unrolled my blueprints on his desk.

I worked on the blueprints for half an hour, but I couldn't concentrate. I had stairs leading straight into walls; doors opening into blind hallways that led nowhere; windows on interior walls. An architect would have taken one look at the muddle and died laughing.

Finally I pushed the blueprints away and curled up in the chair, breathing in Carlisle's scent…if I closed my eyes I could almost pretend it was Carlisle's lap I was sitting in. I focused my hearing on the sound of his voice…it didn't matter that I couldn't understand half the medical terms he was using; he was near, and that was enough…almost.

Soon I was pacing the small room, counting my footsteps, timing my breathing to their rhythm. My heart would have been racing if it could beat at all. The images that I had managed to block in Carlisle's presence came flooding back. _No…leave me alone…don't touch me…help!_

The door swung open and I growled, crouched on the other side of the room before I had time to realize what I was doing.

Carlisle stood frozen, his hand still on the doorknob. "Esme, love, it's only me," he called softly. _Only_! Only my sanity…my safety…

But I straightened slowly, embarrassed at letting him see how scared I still was; not wanting him to think he had to baby me.

He shrugged out of his lab coat and tossed it onto his desk before holding out his arms to me. I ran to him, to the secure safety of his embrace. Nothing could hurt me here.

 **oOo**

 **Carlisle**

I glanced at the clock as I started the car…fifteen minutes late. Esme would be pacing the house waiting for me.

It was over a year now since she had been raped; she still hadn't gotten over it…I wasn't sure she ever would. For the first week after I had returned to work, she had come with me, waiting in my office. After that first day, Edward had suggested Bella come to stay with her while I saw to patients, and I hadn't argued; I had seen what being alone for even an hour had done to her.

Then for several months she had spent the day with Jasper at the college, or at his and Alice's house if I was working nightshift. I could trust him to defend my Esme, and his empathetic abilities kept her from panicking in my absence.

I could leave her home now, but only if someone else was in the house. I tried to leave the hospital on time; if a delay was unavoidable I called home to let her know I would be late, and called Jasper to go stay with her. I was thinking of trying to get a job with fewer hours in our next move, maybe even take a sabbatical from my work as a doctor.

It was progress; maybe in fifty years she would be back to what she was before. But maybe not. Humans, I knew, struggled for years over abuse, and they had the ability to forget. My Esme never could.

 **The End**

 **Will Esme ever be able to forget? Find out in the sequel, "Amnesia," beginning next week!**

 **A/N: No, Carlisle can't read Esme's thoughts; at the beginning of this chapter she's just thinking to him what she doesn't think she can say, even though she knows he won't understand. Barbie**

 _I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!_

 _Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Twilight alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie_


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